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How do you work with your kid’s behaviors in a healthy way? As a Christian mom, you have to be the person you want your children to become! You have to teach them with love and compassion as the Lord teaches us, His children.
In this episode, Heidi speaks with Diana Bigham. She’s a licensed marriage and family therapist supervisor and registered play therapist supervisor. She’s the owner and founder of Redefine and Unveiling Heirs and she specializes in child and family relationships. She talks about the three common mistakes that you’re probably committing as a parent and tips on how to parent healthily.
Listen in to learn how to parent your children as the Lord parents us by allowing them to ask for help when during their deepest pain.
What you will learn:
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Okay, here we go. Yay! I love having Kingdom sisters on my show because God works in incredible ways and crossing our paths at just the right moment. Diana and I first met in 2018 through 100X, which is a movement of Kingdom entrepreneurs, founded by Pedro Adao. And I just remember recognizing the wisdom that she radiated when it came to raising a kingdom family. Diana is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Supervisor and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor. She’s the owner and founder of Redefine and Unveiling Heirs, and she specializes in child and family relationships.
Her passion is to demystify mental, relational and spiritual health to equip families to raise confident, responsible and compassionate children. Wow! I knew I just had to have her on the show to share her story, her practical knowledge and her wisdom, her path in building deep connection with family and doing it all God’s way. So welcome, Diana.
Thank you. I’m so glad to be here with you.
Yes, I’m so glad this worked out. So tell us if you don’t mind sharing just a little bit about yourself, like what lights you up what your hobbies are, and how you like to spend your free time?
Ooh, my favorite thing is spending time with my family. I’m crazy about my girls and my husband. And so anytime we get to hang out or do some fun things, it’s my favorite. I love crafting, I have a silhouette like cutter thing that I get to make a million different projects with. I don’t always get to have the same amount of time that I would love to have. But anytime I can craft or create or bake. I actually love baking cakes and making homemade icing. It’s so fun. So I just love all those kinds of things that let me get into my girlies zone.
Yeah, definitely! My daughter – I have four girls, and my second oldest, she loves to bake. Her thing is watching that British baking show. And it’s just so fun for her. So tell me about your girls, what are the ages of your girls?
I’ve got an eight year old, she just turned eight and I have an 11 year old.
Yeah, and they are so sweet for each other too. I remember when they were in daycare. I would be busy from work. As soon as I get off from work, I would go pick them up and try to head home. And so I was in a hurry because I was thinking of a schedule because this is when they were so little. And I was like all about the schedule. And so I would pick them up and they would greet each other because they’re three and a half years apart. And they would just embrace in the hall. And I’m like, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Okay, Girls, come on, let’s go.” They would embrace each other again, in like the parking lot. I’m like, ”Alright, let’s get in the car.’ But I also just love seeing siblings. I just love seeing like how they love one another and take care of each other. It’s just, it’s such a joy just to be a parent. It’s not only like the best thing ever, but it’s also the most stressful role that we ever have to.
Yeah, definitely. And that plays into your journey with getting to where you are today and what you do for a living. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Yeah, you know, we have real problems in the world. And there have been so many things in life, just not from my own personal experience growing up my own adulthood, but even the lives of friends and family, like just seeing the real pain. It’s like, I want to be a part of the solution. And so really early on in my career, I started working at a shelter for youth. And these are kids who came from the streets, they were children. It was a temporary shelter. And so had children ages six or seven all the way up to 17. So they might have just gotten out of juvenile detention, they don’t have a place to go yet, or they got removed from the home. But CPS is looking for a backup place. Or they came in from the streets. And these kids came from such hard backgrounds and my heart just broke for them. And so, you know, from that situation, it really just locked something else in me that you know, I was like, “Okay, this is what I want to study is family psychology, like, what is it going to look like to help repair these hurting families,” because not only do these children hurt, but also the family they came from is so broken. And so there’s just so many different experiences in life that really pointed to this path of really focusing on children and families.
That’s awesome. That would be a challenge to see everything that comes through on a regular basis with just like, “okay, here I am God, like use me,” but also knowing that you can only step in so far. So in your experience, what are some common mistakes that you see parents make?
Oh, yeah, we make these mistakes very often. And there are three major mistakes that we make, but we don’t really know that we make. It’s kind of like the whole idea of you don’t know what you don’t know. And I think growing up I remember seeing my mom like self sacrifice. She would make sure that if she’s going to prepare a meal and cook she’ll make sure everyone has as much as they want even seconds before she’ll even feed herself or she’ll eat the worst part of the chicken or something along those lines.
And so I understand the idea of being mature and you know, giving to your kids but sometimes we go too far where we get to the place as parents that we neglect our own self care. So that’s the first mistake is we neglect our own self care. And so we sometimes feel selfish, or we over prioritize taking care of everyone that we completely neglect ourselves. I remember when I had my first newborn kid, brand new mom, and I literally would forget to eat. I was so preoccupied, I would literally forget to eat. Now, of course, there are times where like, you just don’t have time if you’re really, you know, in the whole newborn phase, that first month, but we really have to recognize that we can’t give what we don’t have. And the brain is this relationally wired organ. And if we want our children to be healthy, to know how to regulate their emotions, they actually learn how to take care of themselves by us.
And so when we are wired a certain way, and we’re stressed, we want to make sure that we’re taking care of ourselves, so our kids don’t pick up those things. Because we can’t give what we don’t have. There’s been even times where, you know, I give my kids my leftover version of me. And then I wonder why they’re being like, you know, cranky, or rude. And one of the first questions I ask myself, when I have like, some pushback from my children is, “how am I doing? Have I been giving, have I been attentive, and really emotionally present available for them.” So it’s really key just to make sure number one, that we prioritize our self care.
The second mistake is we really lack vision in parenting. And the flip side is to establish really clear parenting goals. And so, yes, you don’t know what you don’t know. But you also don’t know where you haven’t been. And so it’s really important to partner with someone just to help, like, tease out what do I really want in the family life, you know. When we have a picture of what we want life to be like, then we’re better able to clearly communicate with our kids what we expect out of them. But sometimes we correct kids, after the fact, “don’t do that.” And they’re like, “Oh, I didn’t know that was the thing.” You know, or we’re just reactive to everything that our kids don’t have an idea of what they should be doing.
And so we want to parent towards that direction. So for example, if I want my kids to be able to work out conflict, I need to make sure I’m specifically finding moments when they are actually working things out. So I will say, “oh, great job honey, I’m so proud of you for working things out.” And I even praise them for that. Because my vision is I want children who know how to work out conflict or make repairs in relationship where there’s issues. So when I catch them doing that, I’m very intentional to be like, “great job working things out, you know, way to go wait to be the first person to initiate resolving that or apologizing.” And so making sure that we establish clear parenting goals is very helpful for kids. So they have a vision for their future. Because without vision that people cast off restraint, and they’re all over the place. But I want to be really intentional to make sure I’m driving a goal for my kids, that they’re healthy in different areas of life.
And then really, the third mistake is that we tend to over focus on behavioral control. And this is a pitfall that we all can fall under, you know, and so we’re looking at behaviors. Maybe they disobey, and we take it as disrespect, and we’re just so angry and offended as parents, and then we yell or whatever that may be. But here’s the reality. Good behavior is a byproduct of a healthy heart. If you focus on directing your child’s internal motivation, by nurturing their heart, you’re going to see good fruit, you’re going to see that they have better attitudes, and they’re still going to be youthful and have normal youthful problems. But for the most part, what you really want to focus on is having your kids be internally motivated to make good choices.
But if we’re always focusing on behavioral control, then our children will only act right whenever we’re around, or we’re threatening a punishment, you know. So when we’re focusing on taking care of their heart, and we go in at the heart level, we’re getting really good roots. And so that those positive behaviors, you’ll start seeing more of that. And we also want to remember that we don’t want our children to only be externally motivated, you know, like, they’ll only show up and do schoolwork when there’s something at stake. I remember doing a little bit of this where I was over focusing on behavior control when they were toddlers. And then part of me was, I caught it later on. But there was something that one of my daughters had said to me, and it was like, they did something good. And I praise them for it. And they were like, “what do I get mommy?” And I was like, “Oh, no, I’ve been reinforcing too much for good behaviors only,” but not really taking care of the heart that I was like, “You know what? You get a sense of pride, knowing that you made the right decision.”
Yeah, definitely! Oh my gosh, I can relate to so much of what you said. And there was just so much gold in that. I want to go back real quick to the self care and you said that you were offering your kids the leftover version of yourself. Oh, I am polled a homeschooling group I’m in, and what their biggest struggle was with either mindset or homeschooling, you know, health in their family as they’re doing this. And that was like the overwhelming number one struggle was that they felt like there wasn’t enough of them to go around, and by the time they were done they were just so mentally drained after spending time with their kids, right, that they didn’t have time to recoup their brain before they moved on. And so that is really a huge pivotal piece and an issue I see too. And then with the vision and the parenting goals, I just think that that is so important to be in that position of proactive parenting versus reactive parenting, which we all you know, do, but just being intentional about that. So I’m hoping you have some solutions for us. And I’ll ask about that in just a minute. But I want to just touch on that last one of the focus behavior control, I guess I say, more like focus on punishment as a way of, you know, controlling behavior versus setting up these expectations for the positive behavior, and then reinforcing that.
So it’s kind of like this, when my child lied to me last week, instead of being reactive, be like, “Oh, thehorror, she lied, my honest kid lied.” You know, I don’t want to come down on her with consequences and punishment. Yes, she’ll have a consequence. But sometimes that can tend to be our first reaction, like, I need to be consistent in the follow through immediately. But instead, I want to know, “well, why did she lie?” You know, that’s kind of important, I want to get to the root of it, not just the fruit, right. And so I wanted to, you know, take care of my own self issues first. So I was like, being triggered, that’s a button I don’t like lies, and I don’t like to see, you know, manipulation. So I had to put my own personal issues about it on a shelf, so to speak. So being aware that I’ve got my own buttons, but I don’t want to be reactive to her. And so I put on a shelf.
So that’s kind of like some of the language that I use when I’m training parents, but then I speak to her heart, and I’m like, “Hey, babe, like, you know, help me understand, what’s going on? Like, why would you even do that, help me understand.” And she was still upset, you know, because she, like, you know, kids don’t like to be caught or be in trouble or whatever, they get defensive sometimes. And so you have to really guard your heart as a parent not to take it personal and to see past the anger or the attitude. And and so she gave me all these excuses. And like, yeah, I understand that I was like, you know, what I always say to you, and so I reflect back on other teachable moments. Because parenting should be connected, not just isolated conversation.
So I was like, “you know, how I always say to you guys is, you know, mistakes are gonna happen, you’re gonna make bad choices. Sometimes that’s not really what I’m most upset about, is the fact that you lied. I don’t like that. But I want to know why you lied.” We say, you know, mistakes happen, the most important thing is that you make it right, and things like that. But she was just feeling justified, you know. So as I was talking with her, when it came down to is, she really felt like the restrictions that we had were a little bit too tight. But also, like, when you’re lying, you’re not just trying to avoid punishment, or something along those lines, you’re also seeking something. And so why did she feel the need to seek out something and have to lie?
When it came down to it, it’s because you know, her childhood is in a pandemic. The only time she really gets to play with friends is online. And so basically, she had friended some people in a gaming app, which there was nothing bad or dangerous that happened, you know, thankfully, but we just have a policy of like, you know, don’t friend people you don’t know. And so we just talked with her about it. But when it came down to it, she just felt like she’s meeting people and making friendships. And so I was like, I get that. My heart hurts for her that she doesn’t have a lot of kids her age that are on our street that she plays with. And it’s not a normal childhood. You know, what I would consider a normal childhood. So I was really focusing on the pain. That there’s pursuit of something, you know. Sometimes we go through not great paths to fulfill the pain or pleasure that we’re seeking. And so that’s where her pain was, you know, and what she was seeking. And so we talked about that. And I was like, “is there other ways that we can take care of that, instead of going to this measure by breaking rules.”
And so when we can recognize what the root is and fulfill, like, what it is that they’re trying the goal, or the pain, or whatever it is. If we’re able to find ways to satisfy it without violating rules, then that’s what we want to go after, you know. Kind of like, “well, negative attention is better than no attention.” So sometimes our children they act out in a negative way, but it’s because they’re seeking attention. They’re not trying to be manipulative, but they just they’re wanting attention. So there’s a need behind every behavior or misbehavior. So we want to find out what’s the need, and can we satisfy it. But if I’ve all angry and you know, bent out of shape about it, then her guard will go up. And when your child’s guard is up, any words you speak, those seeds will not land on the soil of her heart. And so really, like nurturing the heart and making sure we’re good now.
Did she still get a consequence? Absolutely. So I loved on her heart, talked about like the the root of it, and how we’re gonna address the root and came up with some solutions. But they were like, “Okay, well, because you did lie in you know, you covered it and had attitude about it, you know, we’re still gonna, you’re still gonna have a consequence.” And so she was able to receive that because I had as much composure as I possibly could. I took the time just to sit and talk with her, and I think that’s really important is that we just we speak to the heart and talk about like the root of the issue, as opposed to only focusing or primarily focusing on the behavior.
Wow, that is so good. Oh, my goodness, I can just feel your passion about helping Christian parents raise healthy and heart connected children. And that is a really great practical way that you just shared with us just to kind of connect the dots. Can you tell us more because I know you have your own private practice, and you facilitate inner healing sessions and helping people connect to the heart of God. Do you have any more practicals that you can share with the parents listening right now?
Absolutely. So there are a couple things I want to talk about. So when you’re working with your kids, you want to think about the different domains of health that they have, right? So we actually have different areas, we have our physical health, we have our spiritual health, our psychological health, which is mental and emotional. And then we have our relational health. And so when we have these four domains of health, we want to take a look at all of them. Because we are not created to exist in a vacuum. Like when I’m sick, I have a low energy. It affects my body, my physical health is impacted. And so therefore, I might be like, more emotional, or maybe more cranky, which means it’s going to affect my relationships, I’m going to be avoided or irritated, or maybe sad, or, you know what I mean, I won’t have much to give. And the same is true on the flip side. That when I’m doing good in any of those areas, it’s gonna affect the other areas. So one of the things I like to sit down with parents is, let’s just sit down and talk about all these different areas of our health, so that we can get really specific on Okay, so if your child is having problems with tantrums, one of the best tips for tantrums is to go after the heart.
But there’s like a, there’s a mental process that I follow to train parents on is like, think about emotional traffic signal, you have red zone, that’s where like you your emotions are too big parent, like this is not the time to be teachable. And then we have like yellow zone, this is where you’re calm enough. And “calm enough,” right? That’s like an air quotes, if you can see me. And so and that, you know, in other words, you have composure, but your child still, like their emotions are still big, maybe they’re having anxiety, maybe they’re having an anger outburst, whatever it may be. And so then what you’re or maybe they’re like, super sad and overwhelmed, and they’re overwhelmed is that they shut down and don’t want to come out of their room. And so big feelings can look different ways. And then so red zone, I love to tell parents, “hey, if you’re in the red zone, just take it, take a break, like you literally need a break for you so that you don’t like say something or do something you’re going to regret.” Because you’re not in a good place to be. Remember, you can’t give what you don’t have. And if we’re trying to teach our children how to have self control and how to be healthy emotionally, mentally, that we have to be in the state of good mental emotional health when we’re having to discipline as a parent
And so in that yellow zone, when we’re calm enough, when the kids still got big feelings, that’s whenever during those times, you want to make sure that you are speaking to the heart and don’t go after go after behavior control. Now, if they’re throwing a fit in the middle of Target parking lot, like you just got to do what you got to do to be safe. Like pick up the kid go in the car, whatever. But then once they’re calm enough, you know you’re working on coping skills in the yellow zone. Then you move into Green Zone. When you’re in the green zone, that means you’re calm enough still and your child’s now calm enough, that’s when you get to do the teachable moment. So envision walls going up versus walls going down. Don’t try to go after correction, instruction and direction when your child is emotional. When the emotions are too big, literally, the logical part of the brain gets hijacked by the emotion. And the stress hormone cortisol floods the system and the logical parts of our brains are not very accessible.
So what we really want to be doing during those times is not teaching or instructing. What we want to be doing because that wall is up, you want to make sure that during those moments, you’re working on coping skills and relationship. And so as we’re focusing on those things, then when the kids calm enough, that’s whenever we want to do some teaching and rebuilding that that’s going to be really important. And I think one thing that’s really helpful too is not only like practically like, think about the the emotional traffic signals, what I call it, but also think about time in versus timeout. So in the red zone, I need a parental timeout, but this is not a punitive timeout like a toddler into a corner somewhere or their room. You know, what this is, is a basketball strategy timeout like “hey, let’s take a break, regroup, get a new game plan in place, and let’s come back together again.” And this is really for the parent, you know, until I can get some composure and then a yellow zone is time in. And in time in like we’re connecting because the only way that kids learn how to regulate their emotions remember I said that the brain is relationally wired.
The only way they’re gonna learn how to regulate their emotions is actually through connection with you. And so that’s why we have to be in a good place, but we skip this phase. And so what we usually do is we do ike, “timeout, like your behaviors are out of control, go over there, you know, I can’t handle this right now, you know, go to your room.” But traditional timeout, here’s what it actually does. Number one, you’re communicating your behavior is so bad, that you need to go away from my presence. And when you clean up your behavior, then you can come back into my presence. That is not how Father God parents us. In fact, he says, “when you have mistakes or problems or whatever, come to me, I can help you with those things.” He’s the greater parent. And so when we look at how the Lord models that for us, and we’re using traditional timeout, we’re communicating so many things. When we grow up as adults, we think, “Oh, I have so much bad problems, and I feel scared even talk to God, because I feel like, you know, I’m this is not forgivable, or I got to get myself cleaned up in order to go to church,” you know, and then our kids think that way. Then they think, “I have to clean myself up. So I’m accepted.” And then now they’re struggling with problems. We have real problems in life, and they are really heavy and weighty. And so when our kids are struggling, we’re saying that, “you have to figure it out on your own, never mind that God gave you to me, you know to mean for I’m the most trusted caregiver, you know, like in your life that you’ll have. And so you have to figure that on your own.” But the reason why kids throw tantrums, the reason why they’re out of control, they’re angry, or they’re sad or shut down, or withdrawing, or maybe even self cutting, is because they’re saying, “Hey, Mom and Dad, this feeling that I have inside, whether it’s disappointment, worries, anxiety, anger, you know, whatever that emotion is that they’re struggling with, they’re saying, literally, I’m out of control, I don’t know what to do with it.”
That’s why their behaviors are so big. And so we have to make sure that we recognize we don’t want to communicate, “I can’t be there for you, you know, when your feelings are so big child,” We want to say, “I’m going to be there for you. Because I know that you can’t carry that on your own.” They’re literally saying I need help. But verbally, they might be saying, “I’m so mad at you, I hate you Mom and Dad, you know, I want a new family.” You know, they may be saying those things. But literally they’re out of control because their emotions internally are out of control. And they actually need us. So that’s the yellow zone, they’re actually communicating I need you. But traditional timeout communicate something completely different. You got to clean yourself up in order to get help. If you’re asking for help, there must be something wrong with you, you need to go into isolation. And like, isn’t that a strategy of the enemy, that when we’re in our deepest pain, we can’t ask for help. And so that goes back into the other thing of like parenting with a vision or a goal. Like my goal is that my daughters, I want them to know how to recognize when they need help and number two to be brave enough to ask for it. And so one of the things I do is I will praise them when they ask for help. I’m like, “great job asking for help. You know, the most mature people are the ones who not only know when they need help, but they’re brave enough to ask for I am so proud of you reward that behavior, like great job asking for help and I love that.”
That is so good! Oh my gosh, I can just see like all the moms listening right now, “Yes, I want a healthy home, I want healthy hearts. And my children, this is just so great.” And you put to words like kind of my parenting style from birth until about the age of 11-12ish, but I struggle with my teenagers who are 15 and 17 right now. And it’s like, anytime I could feel their emotions getting too big when they were little like we would just cover it with a hug and like powwow about it. And I agree with everything that you just said feels like, although that worked at a younger age, there was a disconnect as they got, I don’t wanna say more rebellious, but you know, just more firm and what they wanted versus what we were asking. And all of the behaviors kind of stemmed out of that. And yeah, I disconnected with “how do I cover them” almost like, their emotions are so big? How can I cover them? And there wasn’t that like physical connection that could help with that emotional connection? Does that make sense?
Yeah. So whenever like, is that something that normally happens as children age up, then it becomes harder for them to connect with their parents. You know, children go through different developmental stages. So like really little kids, they are physically expressive with their emotions. That’s why like, you see, toddlers or feelings are so big, they’re laid out on the ground. And then as they get older kids start to begin to more verbalize their emotions. That’s why sometimes you get the attitude and the talking back, you know, and so there’s different developmental stages that kids go through. But yeah, as kids because they enter into the adolescent phase. Now every child is a little different. So I am speaking in a general broad kind of sense. Some teenagers still have the touches and the you know, all the snuggles or whatever, but for some teens, they don’t want that physical comfort, necessarily. So I think that sometimes you just have to walk side by side with your teenager like, “hey, what helps you the most,” you know, and you’re thinking about, like, Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. What’s worth, like $20 to them in their currency versus $1. And so you’re trying learn from your child what they might need. And they may not know that, but you’re just exploring it with them.
That’s good. Oh, so good. Okay, your specialty is in child and family relationships. So can you tell us what you offer for equipping families right now? I mean, I’m just sure everybody’s like, “Oh my gosh, I need this,” especially with the transitions in 2020. Just to help them raise confident, responsible and compassionate children. What do you offer and equipping families for this?
Oh, we have an amazing membership group that people are able to sign up with. They can go to unveilingheirs.com to learn more. But one of the things that we do is we actually are all about helping parents know how to have powerful conversations, because we know that there’s power of life and death are in the tongue. And so, you know, as parents, sometimes we don’t know what to say, in fact, I had like three conversations this week with different families where the parents, like, “I didn’t know what to say, in this moment, you know,” and I’m like, “Hey, I get it.” It’s hard to have these conversations, especially if you never had a parent who talked with you about these things, you know, you’re trying to figure it out the first time. And so we have this membership group where parents can join in. And they’re learning tips and strategies, just like in this interview, where we’re learning how do I talk to my child about this in a way that’s powerful and effective, but yet, it feels so natural. So we’re developing this as a community, like, how do we talk about these really difficult topics.
But the other thing is, we’re equipping them with specific activities. And so we’ll do different assignments in there, like we’ll give parents worksheets, and tell them how to talk about these worksheets with the younger kids. And just the other week, we were talking to parents on how to talk with your child about forgiveness, and boundaries, and reconciliation, you know, all of those kinds of things. And it’s like, I had one mom call, messaged me back and she was like, “oh, my goodness, I listened to this while in the car. And the kid that really needed to hear this topic heard it also. So thank you so much. This was perfect timing” And it’s so important to do these kinds of things. But we also have practical exercises of teaching our children how to hear God for themselves. And so our goal is to help families know how to equip their kids to not only be healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally, but also relationally. And spiritually, so we try to cover these different areas and just really serve families.
That is awesome. What ages Do you cover in your workshops?
You know, we have parents that have like Toddlers and Babies, because we do talk about parenting strategies, and we do support parents. And we have parents that have adult children and even like teenagers, but some of the worksheet ones that’s going to be primarily great for kids that are ages seven, up to 13.
Oh, that sounds so perfect. I’m so excited. And you mentioned helping your children hear from God. And what does God’s voice sound like. That is something that we’re doing with our seven year old right now. And she’s absolutely loving it. Do you have any practicals you can share real quick on that?
Yes, so one of the things that I like to do with my girls especially at bedtime, I love snuggling them. And so sometimes we’ll do a quick exercise just to practice it. So first of all, you want to teach your kids how to recognize the difference between their voice, God’s voice and the voice of the enemy. And we even have a workshop on that one, too, that we do with families with worksheets and activities to practice it, and even how to take thoughts captive. But then we do this very simple one. So after your kids have this foundational knowledge, then we’re going to talk with the kids and teach your children that God speaks in so many different ways, like his primary language isn’t English. And so we want to say, like he’s communicating through all of creation. And so one of the things you can activate is, and sometimes I try to help them practice. I actually think it’s in Hebrews, I forget the verse right now. But it talks about how we can train our senses, to discern good and evil. And in that scripture verse, so it’s like, okay, so there’s something I can do to train myself to discern what’s good and evil, you know, what’s coming from the Lord, what’s not coming from the Lord.
And so that’s why we use the word activation, we’re training ourselves, our senses. And so I’m like, “Hey, you know, girls, sometimes the Lord speaks or things that we see, it could be something that you see in the natural light around you in the room, or even in your head, like in that place of imagination. So if I say the word Apple, can you see an apple in your mind?” They’re like, “yeah.” I’m like, “What color is it? Is it sliced or is it whole?” And they kind of tell me what they see in their mind. Like, “okay, great.” So we’ll do a specific exercise. “Okay. So we’re just going to pray and ask Holy Spirit, just to tell us what, what is something that you love about another person in the room.” So if I’m snuggling both my girls we’re all in the same room, you know, or maybe my husband’s there, and we’re like, “okay, so I think this one’s for you.”
And so they’ll like, share, like, “I’m really seeing this” and maybe they’ll choose an image and that they see in their mind, or they’ll choose an object in the room, you know, something I’m drawn to is this box of Kleenex. And I’m like, “okay, so who’s this word for?” Because we also talk about when God speaks, it’s encouraging, strengthening and comforting. That’s in Scripture. as well. And so I’m like, Okay, so what do you feel like he’s saying, and so they start talking about it, and they’re practicing hearing God further people like, “well, I really feel like you’re the kind of person who really brings comfort. And it’s individual for every moment” because they’re thinking about how Kleenex comes out one at a time, you know, and it’s like, “oh, wow, that’s so sweet. Thank you, that was really encouraging.” And so that’s one of the fun ways that you can get your kids to practice and then you do your modeling it for them as well. And I’m like, “wow, do you feel loved by that?” They’re like, “yes.” Like, “then that was the Lord. That’s so great!”
I just got Holy Spirit chills, I love it. Yeah, equipping our children to just activate those spiritual senses is such a powerful tool. As I’m working with my daughter with this to hear him like, this isn’t just helpful for you and me right now, this is you’re going to be able to help other people, you know, your friends, if they’re feeling hurt, or sad, you know? So yay, I’m so excited. Okay, so if people want to connect with you, you already mentioned your website, Unveiling Heirs. Is there another way that they can connect with you? Or where can people find you?
It’s really easy just to follow me on social media, follow me on Instagram @unveilingheirs account or even on Facebook.
Awesome. And one last question as we wrap this up, what is next for you in 2021? What are you working on?
Ooh, we’re building out so many different things. We have a lot of products that we’re going to be creating. We’ve got more journals. We have a journal out already that’s been on Amazon, to help parents to be able to hear God through journaling and just checking in on their own heart. Because we know self care is so important. And we love making things practical. So there’s a couple ways that we can even journal our conversations with the Lord just to get to our own root issues. Because we want to go to our heart, not just focus on our fruit and like, you know, sit in self condemnation and shame and guilt. And so when we talk with the Lord, and we have this journaling process, but we are coming out with three more, it’s a whole set. So we’re going to be wrapping up as many of those as we can in 2021.
Awesome. And I will be buying your journals, and I can’t wait to take more into your workshops. So I just want to thank you, Diana, for your time today for just being here. And I just want to say a blessing over you quick before you go that everything you’re doing to help bring people closer to God to connect them together and deep relationships with him and as a family unit and everything you’re doing just to equip families for growth and connection. So thank you for joining me today and we’ll talk soon.
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